I started writing nearly three years ago. It was something I enjoyed, something I felt could improve me. I was 19 at the time. I was insecure about my abilities as a writer. I didn’t want people to read my work and expose me. I chose to hide my writing and, in doing so, I thought I was hiding my vulnerability.
Fast forward two years, and I had garnered enough confidence in my writing to allow some people to read my writing. It was still private, but my writing that was once read by an audience of one — myself — was now being read by a select circle of friends and family.
Fast forward again. I launched my travel blog in August 2018. It was an open declaration to the world that I was not only writing but opting to identify as a writer. It was scary. An invitation to others into my thoughts.
My writing was going to be posted online, where anyone could read it. I didn’t think about how many blogs there were on the internet or how hard it was to get noticed with online writing. I didn’t think about marketing or driving traffic to my blog.
Instead of recognizing just how few people would actually be reading my writing, I was focused on how that tiny number of people could judge me and my work. I believed that, even if it was just one other person reading what I had to say, they had power over my thoughts, ambitions, and confidence. The scariest obstacle I faced was this,
“If other people can read my writing, that means other people can judge my writing.”
That thought still remains today.
Action in the face of uncertainty
Starting a new project, especially one that anyone can witness your failure in, is daunting. And yet, the knife of regret will likely cut much deeper if you reflect back and remember when you didn’t start something.
Today, the judgment has not become less scary. But I myself have gotten more courageous and confident in the face of judgment. Looking back to three years, two years, and nine months ago, I am glad I took action and just started. I moved forward in spite of my uncertainties, insecurities, and desire to avoid critical eyes.
I simply started. Then I kept writing and writing and writing. Many weeks in a row, I’d see that my blog posts would get five views, the next one maybe four, then a good week would be ten. That continued for some time.
My blog started off painfully, embarrassingly slow. But it’s now one of the most meaningful projects in my life. I have a following of readers from all over the world, I send out weekly email newsletters, and I’ve been able to connect with people over some big ideas.
The quality of my writing improved as I practiced writing more, and slowly I built an audience. Consistent action allowed me to both improve as a writer and establish a base for an audience and some credibility.
Rethinking what judgment is — and what it can be
Nine months later and I’ve published more than 50 blog posts and articles. I’m working as an editor and I’m writing for a living at 22 years old — something I couldn’t even dream of nine months ago. I still hear what people say about my writing. I’m still aware of the judgment. But now I frame it differently.
Judgment can be perceived negatively — and it makes sense to do so. There are a lot of envious, angry, nasty people in the world who could potentially speak against you. Some people operate within a realm of malice. They can say things with the hope of undermining you, insulting you, or for the empty ambition of taking you out. This type of feedback exists, without question.
Nonetheless, I now realize that painting judgment in a negative hue can be an obstacle for our creative pursuits — or, any pursuits, really. In spite of the potential for negativity, judgment itself isn’t inherently negative.
For me, the best way I navigated this was by reframing the concept of judgment. Our reaction to the judgment, case by case, is influenced by how we frame this overarching concept. I began to seek out judgment, even the crass and incisive critiques. Judgment can be humbling. It can imbue a feeling of incompetence. Insecurities can stem from judgment. Things don’t always feel so comfortable.
…but are these things really so bad?
Humbling? — It’s good to stay grounded and not get cocky.
Feeling incompetent and insecure? — The only place left to go from here is upwards. We always have far more to learn than we think we do.
Uncomfortable? — That’s exactly where you should be. Are you striving for something because you want your world to be fluffy and soft? I certainly hope not.
Judgment hangs over us like, well, a judge. This isn’t a bad thing.
Judgment is what gives us something to aim for. Something that keeps us honest in our effort. A gold standard. A star in the sky. An ideal for us to strive towards. Don’t avoid exposing yourself to judgment. Embrace it like an old, wise friend. Frame it as something that you can learn from, something that can teach you, guide you, and better you. Use judgment as a tool on your journey towards maximal achievement.
Judgment isn’t there to make you feel good. It’s there to force you to be better than you are.
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