Build an identity that makes you proud: 'Tell me about yourself'
Too much boredom can lead to a waning sense of fulfillment and happiness. Then, core pieces of your identity can begin to feel stale.
Phil Rosen
Issue #15
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May 9, 2022
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Reading time:
5 mins
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Good morning, readers. “Tell me about yourself” is one of the first things someone asks when they meet you. Other than your job description, what else do you tell them?
At the ready…
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Building an identity that makes you proud
Most answers to the above question center on your job. Then your relation to loved ones fill in the blanks.
“A financial analyst, and father of two.”
“A doctor, and mother of three.”
Or, for young people, those family relations are usually swapped for school ties: “Tech marketing, recent grad of UCLA.”
The first sentence comes easily to most working professionals: A recap of what you do, mixed with who you love or where you came from.
Then the brain fog hits. Some people tack on places they’ve traveled, weekend projects, or the name of their dog. But what else rounds out your life?
The professional role we play is a dominant part of our identity. It’s how we describe ourselves to others, it’s what we see in the mirror, and it’s what we spend roughly 40 hours a week doing and being.
But figuring out who else you can be, besides the person your manager needs, can be troubling.
“Everyone needs an identity that’s more complex,” Eve Rodsky, a domestic labor expert, told the Wall Street Journal. For mothers especially, she explained, it’s common to feel whittled down to only three roles: partner, parent, and professional.
Commonly, boredom follows the notion of feeling limited in the roles you play, or being uncertain of what else you do in life.
Too much boredom can lead to a waning sense of fulfillment and happiness. Then, the core pieces of your identity that you’ve work so hard to establish — your work and relationships — can start to feel like a drag instead of a boost.
The first step is to find (and do) activities that make you say “I can’t believe I just did that,” according to Rodsky.
This invites novelty — a spark of adventure to remind you there’s more to you than just your job. Maybe it’s picking up a new sport or hobby, or learning an instrument, or publishing poetry online or taking improv classes.
Once you find something that enjoy, schedule these activities in regularly. After awhile, the thing you used to follow with, “I can’t believe I just did that,” becomes instead a part of who you are.
“Having that source of energy in our lives, and that respite from the other responsibilities, is what makes building the career [and] raising the family sustainable,” says time-management expert Laura Vanderkam.
What’s more, by carving out time for novel pursuits, you give yourself the opportunity to meet a range of people you’d not have encountered before — another way to inspire a more meaningful life.
To be clear, it’s not that hobbies in general are the secret to a fulfilled life. But when your sense of identity becomes too stale or vague for your liking, it’s novelty that gives you your best bet at reaffirming who you are and what you can become.
The hope must be, when someone asks you, “Tell me about yourself,” you can feel proud about the sentences that follow your job description and alumni network.
— Phil
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