This is how to build a life you love

Over the last several years, I’ve enjoyed my share of running groups, networking events, sports teams, and book clubs.

Each offered something worthwhile, but none provided the specific sense of relatability I was looking for.

I’ve learned that comporting yourself for something you didn’t create will rarely feel perfect, especially compared to building something around your own niche interests. 

This holds true for jobs, social circles, teams and projects.

Our social media feeds reflect this best. The algorithm knows what content makes you linger, share, or skip. The result is as many different newsfeeds as there are users. Damning levels of daily screen time — 6.5 hours a day per person in 2023, on average — illustrates how addicting it is to have that level of personalization. 

Aiming to design our lives with that same degree of specificity and intention can unlock purpose, responsibility, and community. 

You are one of one

I’m about to traverse a minefield of clichés, but hear me out: We are all one of ones, who will not and should not fit seamlessly into existing boxes.

And I say that as someone who has participated in over a hundred events and groups, many of which are awesome and I remain a part of. 

Sticking only to groups others have created, though, presents a blueprint for future regret. The “finance bro” archetype comes to mind — the endless sea of Ivy Leaguers in Patagonia vests and Lululemon pants with non-negotiable tee times.

That’s just one example. Plenty others exist for various careers and hobbies.

No one, I think, wants to reflect on a life being a copy of a copy of a copy.

Building something unique to you as a one-of-one individual is more energizing. I always liked this quote from Naval:

There are almost 7B people on this planet. Someday, I hope, there will be almost 7B companies.

I’m not suggesting everyone should quit their job to become an entrepreneur (another path rife with stereotypes and memes). But there’s great, unique purpose to be found in working on personal projects or creating things that bring people together.

Change can happen outside a 9-to-5

My friend Jacklyn Dallas, a tech YouTuber, posted about hosting “two-degree dinners” in New York City. 

Another friend of mine, Andrew Yeung, who produces social and professional events across the US, tweeted about his group chat with other boot-strapping entrepreneurs.

Both posts gained massive traction on X. 

In the last few weeks, I’ve seen dozens of others go viral around the topic of small, customized communities or projects. I predict the trend will only ramp up.

On my own blog, meanwhile, I love that I can write what I want to write. Doing so has allowed me to attract a small audience who thinks about the same things.

My ideas aren’t always bulletproof, but I cherish the opportunity to share personal work that could resonate with readers, and the site has been a bright spot for me during times I’ve felt discouraged.

How to customize a life

To clarify, I’m not recommending to quit your job, nor do I believe all professional clichés are bad or true. 

But I have learned that I’m happier when I do more things that make me feel like a one-of-one, rather than a facsimile or a face in a crowd. When I show up to my day job — a role I share with many impressive individuals — I’m energized knowing that I run my own website and write books.

Here are three ways to bring more customization into your life that cost nearly nothing: 

1. Start a group chat or monthly Zoom meetings with people doing exactly what you’re interested in doing 
2. Host small dinners with friends, and ask each person to invite someone they think you’d get along with
3. Start sharing your ideas online in writing, audio, or video

Everybody wants to be somebody, as the saying goes. We can remind ourselves that we are all indeed “somebodies” by leaning into our interests and curating how they come into contact with the world. 

With enough iterating, this is how you build a life you love.

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